The Nasty Truth
1. Ever had a Girl come up to and say something nice to you out of the blue?
(The Nasty Truth: She feels sorry for you because she thinks your disfuntional)
2. Did you just win a platinum TV from a cool pop up on your computer?
(The Nasty Truth: The whole add was a
scam and if they made u give out name, address, phone number, etc., your totally screwed now)
3. Just find out your going to a great top-rated University?
(The Nasty Truth: Your college experience is gonna suck. Let's face it, great Universities are full of nerdy students and nerdy professors. What do nerds love? Homework and lots of study time. If your going to a great University to better yourself, beware that there will be a lot of work and half-way through college you'll probably be demanding a transfer. But then at that point you'll think to yourself "I'm half-way through college! Suck it up! What a wimp I am! I just have 4 more freaking semesters and I'm out of this rats nest." Once you reach this point, life could not get any lower. At this point, your girlfriend or boyfriend has lost interest in you, you've just found out that what you've been studying for the last two years is nothing but bullshit, and that that freaking Psychology class you've been taking is never gonna apply to you again in your life and you might as well get a job at a local bakery because it is conceivable that you never will actually graduate. This is when your life gets really dismal. Bakery, tons of homework, no mate, and absolutely no time do have any fun. But hey, don't take it from me, have a great time in college. I'm sure things will only be worse.)
4. Were your parents nice enough to give you the old family station wagon to drive?
(The Nasty Truth: The car is shit. Listen up, what will happen is your parents are pretty much saying "If you wreck this car, fine by us. We want a new car." So, after about 3 months, the family gets a better car (that you can't drive since you already have your own car), and at this point your car is in need of an oil change, new tires, a new driving wheel (since you've yanked at it so many times), a fresh coat of paint, and maybe new headlights or a bumper (I'm assuming you've been in at least one nasty crash). Plus, this is a real slap in the face because your parents are pretty much telling you "We don't want you driving a nice car" i.e. "We think you'd crash the damn thing into a pole or a fire hydrant that will flood the streets". So in essence, if your parents give you a car but it looks like it's been used, your parents think you're a horrid driver.)
5. Did your Grandmother or Grandfather tell you they're really proud of you and they think the very best of you?
(The Nasty Truth: Your Grandfather/Grandmother is dying in a few days. Listen, old people never say anything nice like that unless they are 100% sure they're not going to be around in 10 days or so. It's sort of like "something they have to do". So, If you want your grandfather/grandmother to live till they are 102, keep pissing them off. It works.)
6. Did you just win a contest with a lot of people in it?
(The Nasty Truth: The contest was rigged. Listen, never assume the best, always the worst. If you win something, make sure that nobody is tainting it for you. If it's something that is drawn out of a hat, it's definently rigged. No doubt. If it's a scholarship give away, it's definently rigged whether your rich or poor. If your rich, it's rigged because your rich and rich kids always get what they want. If your poor it just means it's rigged because some people think your so desperate for help that only a rigged contest can decide the fate of your education.)
7. Did your child just speak for the first time?
(The Nasty Truth: Your child still has no idea what the hell your saying, and it has no relavance to your kids inteligence. It'll be years before your child actually can speak real english. No, your child is not smarter than Joanne's kid who still can't spell CAT. The reality is, a childs inteligence can not be determined until they are 10 years old. If your 10 year old can't read at all, count to 5 or spell CAT, then you have a dumb kid on your hands. If your child is 10 and they can read, count to 1000 and spell IDIOSYNCRATIC, your child still isn't smarter than Joanne's kid. Listen, all the stereotypical means of measuring a persons inteligence (mathematics, spelling, reading, and understanding directions) is only 25% of what they need to know for the long term. Yes, Joanne's kid can't spell cat, but he may be able to hop over fences at astounding speeds or kick every kids ass in Madden (including your precious prodigy). So, if your kid just spoke for the first time, act like they spoke for the last time, because it doesn't matter, and nobody gives a shit.)
8. Did your little boy or girl come home with an "A" on a paper or test?
(The Nasty Truth: The next test could easily be an "F". Look, your child still can't tie their shoes. Your child isn't smart. Listen gradeschoolers grades are like roller coasters. They're either really good at something or they are totally oblivious to what the hell is going on. Just be prepared to call your child dumb.)
9. Did you just wake up feeling like life is great?
(The Nasty Truth: It's not your still sleeping or your on crack.)
10. Did you just save a bunch of money on your car insurance?
(The Nasty Truth: Knowing murphy's law, you'll probably get in the nastiest car accident of your life, and pay over the roof money to fix your car and the car you damaged (come on, you'll be responsible), and your insurance will cost more than it did before).
The whole purpose of this article was to say If life's going good, something bad is gonna happen. "Good Night"-- Benjamin
(The Nasty Truth: She feels sorry for you because she thinks your disfuntional)
2. Did you just win a platinum TV from a cool pop up on your computer?
(The Nasty Truth: The whole add was a
scam and if they made u give out name, address, phone number, etc., your totally screwed now)
3. Just find out your going to a great top-rated University?
(The Nasty Truth: Your college experience is gonna suck. Let's face it, great Universities are full of nerdy students and nerdy professors. What do nerds love? Homework and lots of study time. If your going to a great University to better yourself, beware that there will be a lot of work and half-way through college you'll probably be demanding a transfer. But then at that point you'll think to yourself "I'm half-way through college! Suck it up! What a wimp I am! I just have 4 more freaking semesters and I'm out of this rats nest." Once you reach this point, life could not get any lower. At this point, your girlfriend or boyfriend has lost interest in you, you've just found out that what you've been studying for the last two years is nothing but bullshit, and that that freaking Psychology class you've been taking is never gonna apply to you again in your life and you might as well get a job at a local bakery because it is conceivable that you never will actually graduate. This is when your life gets really dismal. Bakery, tons of homework, no mate, and absolutely no time do have any fun. But hey, don't take it from me, have a great time in college. I'm sure things will only be worse.)
4. Were your parents nice enough to give you the old family station wagon to drive?
(The Nasty Truth: The car is shit. Listen up, what will happen is your parents are pretty much saying "If you wreck this car, fine by us. We want a new car." So, after about 3 months, the family gets a better car (that you can't drive since you already have your own car), and at this point your car is in need of an oil change, new tires, a new driving wheel (since you've yanked at it so many times), a fresh coat of paint, and maybe new headlights or a bumper (I'm assuming you've been in at least one nasty crash). Plus, this is a real slap in the face because your parents are pretty much telling you "We don't want you driving a nice car" i.e. "We think you'd crash the damn thing into a pole or a fire hydrant that will flood the streets". So in essence, if your parents give you a car but it looks like it's been used, your parents think you're a horrid driver.)
5. Did your Grandmother or Grandfather tell you they're really proud of you and they think the very best of you?
(The Nasty Truth: Your Grandfather/Grandmother is dying in a few days. Listen, old people never say anything nice like that unless they are 100% sure they're not going to be around in 10 days or so. It's sort of like "something they have to do". So, If you want your grandfather/grandmother to live till they are 102, keep pissing them off. It works.)
6. Did you just win a contest with a lot of people in it?
(The Nasty Truth: The contest was rigged. Listen, never assume the best, always the worst. If you win something, make sure that nobody is tainting it for you. If it's something that is drawn out of a hat, it's definently rigged. No doubt. If it's a scholarship give away, it's definently rigged whether your rich or poor. If your rich, it's rigged because your rich and rich kids always get what they want. If your poor it just means it's rigged because some people think your so desperate for help that only a rigged contest can decide the fate of your education.)
7. Did your child just speak for the first time?
(The Nasty Truth: Your child still has no idea what the hell your saying, and it has no relavance to your kids inteligence. It'll be years before your child actually can speak real english. No, your child is not smarter than Joanne's kid who still can't spell CAT. The reality is, a childs inteligence can not be determined until they are 10 years old. If your 10 year old can't read at all, count to 5 or spell CAT, then you have a dumb kid on your hands. If your child is 10 and they can read, count to 1000 and spell IDIOSYNCRATIC, your child still isn't smarter than Joanne's kid. Listen, all the stereotypical means of measuring a persons inteligence (mathematics, spelling, reading, and understanding directions) is only 25% of what they need to know for the long term. Yes, Joanne's kid can't spell cat, but he may be able to hop over fences at astounding speeds or kick every kids ass in Madden (including your precious prodigy). So, if your kid just spoke for the first time, act like they spoke for the last time, because it doesn't matter, and nobody gives a shit.)
8. Did your little boy or girl come home with an "A" on a paper or test?
(The Nasty Truth: The next test could easily be an "F". Look, your child still can't tie their shoes. Your child isn't smart. Listen gradeschoolers grades are like roller coasters. They're either really good at something or they are totally oblivious to what the hell is going on. Just be prepared to call your child dumb.)
9. Did you just wake up feeling like life is great?
(The Nasty Truth: It's not your still sleeping or your on crack.)
10. Did you just save a bunch of money on your car insurance?
(The Nasty Truth: Knowing murphy's law, you'll probably get in the nastiest car accident of your life, and pay over the roof money to fix your car and the car you damaged (come on, you'll be responsible), and your insurance will cost more than it did before).
The whole purpose of this article was to say If life's going good, something bad is gonna happen. "Good Night"-- Benjamin
posted by Ben Parker at 1:08 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home